Welcome back to Mostly Dating, a newsletter designed to help you transform your dating life and relationships.

Every Friday, we’ll dive deeper into reader questions and various dating, relationship, and self-care tips.

Want to be suggest a topic or submit a question (anonymously) for a future send? Send me an email here.

The most common causes of divorce

Have you ever heard of Gottman’s Four Horsemen?

Psychologist John Gottman, who has spent over 40 years studying thousands of couples, identified four communication behaviors that are the most destructive to relationships—what he calls the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

According to Gottman, these are the biggest predictors of divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. And honestly? I believe it.

Sure, infidelity, money issues, and lack of intimacy are commonly cited reasons for breakups—but these four behaviors often drive those deeper problems. That’s why it’s so important to recognize them early and work on shifting the dynamic.

Here’s a quick look at each one:

• Criticism: Attacking your partner’s character (not just their behavior). It might sound like, “You never think about anyone but yourself.”

• Defensiveness: Playing the victim or making excuses instead of taking responsibility. Think: “It’s not my fault, you always overreact.”

• Contempt: Mocking, eye-rolling, sarcasm, or speaking with superiority. This one’s the most toxic—things like “You’re so lazy, I don’t even know why I bother.”

• Stonewalling: Shutting down or withdrawing completely during conflict. You might go silent, walk away, or tune out rather than engaging.

How to date for a relationship

Dating doesn’t have to feel like a constant cycle of mixed signals, almost-relationships, ghosting, and frustrating “what are we?” conversations—but don’t get me wrong: I definitely remember the days of feeling that way.

And what I learned during that time is that if you want real connection, you need a more intentional approach (AKA a better strategy than just swiping and hoping for the best).

That’s why I spent the past six months creating The Mostly Dating Blueprint. It brings together everything I’ve shared on Instagram, my podcast, and in this newsletter—plus so much more—into one step-by-step course.

It’s the exact framework I used to change my own dating life, and that I’ve used to help thousands of others date with more clarity, confidence, and better results.

Inside, you’ll get 8 modules packed with videos, worksheets, and tools to help you get clear on what you want in a relationship—and learn how to actually start attracting it.

Sign up now to get instant access and start dating in a way that actually leads somewhere.

🚨 this is a self-paced course, but I decided to give the first 15 people a FREE 1:1 dating consultation call with me. There are 6 spots left and they’re filling fast!!

Reader Q&A: how long to wait for “I love you”

One of the most common questions I get is: How long should I wait for someone to say “I love you”? And the truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.

But, because I know you all love a timeline 😊, I WILL say that I’ve done plenty of polls on this and the most common responses are within the 3 to 9 month range.

That in mind, what is really standing out to me about this question is that you’re already thinking about how long to wait for him to feel it…but are you even feeling it yourself? That’s what I’d focus on first.

Pay attention to how you are feeling, enjoy these early stages of getting to know each other, and try not to get so wrapped up in what he’s told you about his past that it impacts your present.

It’s great that he was honest with you early on, and it’s a good sign that he says he wants to fall in love. I’m also curious if you asked him if he told the people he’s dated in the past that he loved them but then just in hindsight says he didn’t really feel it?

All of this is information I’d take in as useful data you’ve collected: he’s 47, he’s had long relationships, and he’s never felt in love before.

In my opinion, none of this means to panic or start pre-writing your future right now. It’s just something to be aware of.

Keep the conversation open with him, and don’t let the quest of getting him to say “I love you” distract you from checking in with how you feel.

👀 I also have a post with subtle signs they are falling in love with you.

Want to be suggest a topic or submit a question (anonymously) for a future send? Send me an email here.

This week on the pod:

Stop Waiting For A Relationship For Your Life to Start

what we talk about:

• Conversations to have before getting engaged

• Advice for bringing up difficult conversations in a relationship

• The best way to attract the relationship you want

• How to deal with a friend who doesn’t respect the fact that you’re not drinking

& more!

click here to listen.