Welcome to Mostly Dating, a weekly newsletter designed to help you transform your dating life and relationships. I believe that every aspect of your well-being impacts your relationships (& vice versa!)—and I’m all about living a (mostly) balanced life.

How to to be more confident 📝 

When it comes to having a successful dating life and better relationships, confidence is at the crux of it all. Not only will it help you speak your mind and show up as your true self, but confidence will only help you feel more certain about what you want—and it will prevent you from accepting less than you deserve.

Plus, confidence is attractive! People are drawn to it.

Here are some simple ways to instantly feel more confident:

• Do things regularly that make you feel like your authentic self: What makes you feel like you? Maybe it’s spending time with certain people, or maybe it’s a really good workout, a long walk, or journaling. Carve out time to do these things regularly.

• Check something off your to-do list: Procrastination is the killer of confidence! I guarantee you’re already thinking of one thing you’ve been putting off. Take time today to check off that to-do list and you’ll instantly feel more confident.

• Say no when the answer is no: Nothing feels better than setting a boundary. If you find yourself “yes”-ing everything, rethink your approach. Shift your mindset and learn to say no to things that don’t serve you.

• Stand up straighter: Such a simple shift, but the way you show up physically makes a huge difference. Draw your shoulders back, stand up straight, and don’t be afraid to take up space in the room. **this $18 neck pillow seriously improved my posture**

• Practice self-care regularly: This could be in the form of exercise, meditation, a massage, a manicure, or literally anything that makes you feel taken care of. Pamper yourself in the way you deserve.

• Make a list of your accomplishments: Take out a pen and paper (or use your notes app) and write out everything you’ve accomplished and what you’re grateful for. Acknowledge and celebrate these things! Come back to this list when you need a reminder of how awesome you are.

5 things you need on your dating app profile

I recently polled 120,000 people on Instagram about what they look for on a dating app profile and there were some very clear themes across men and women.

On the apps? Make sure your profile checks these boxes:

✔️ Use clear photos with no sunglasses. I’m okay with one or two sunglasses photos, but you want your face to be visible in your pictures!

✔️ The majority of your photos should be solo photos—and make sure there is no question about which person you are in any group photo

✔️ Photos from different angles and in various environments, with at least one photo that shows your entire body this helps bring your profile to life, versus just a bunch of close up pictures

✔️ Include personal details in your prompt responses. Make it easy for your matches to start a conversation!

✔️ What you’re looking for. *A recent survey from Bumble showed users are more likely to match with someone who is clear about what they are looking for.

Other tips: avoid negative prompt responses, smile with your teeth, and don’t include pictures of you with friends of your desired gender.

Reader Q&A:

Dating burnout is real! It used to happen to me all the time until I started dating intentionally.

Here are a few things that will help:

• Get clear on what you’re looking for: Don’t skip this step! Literally write down what you are looking for in a relationship and in a partner. How do you want to feel in a relationship? What types of things do you want to do with your partner? Clearly identify your non-negotiables so you won’t waste time on people/relationships who don’t meet them.

• Set aside a certain amount of time for intentional swiping: It’s easy for dating app usage to become such an engrained habit that you’re no longer being intentional about it. But really, you shouldn’t be spending more than 10 minutes a day in the actual swiping process. Try not to swipe solely based on the first picture. Instead, read through the profile and simple decide whether you’re curious about them.

• Take the pressure off: When you’re swiping on an app or meeting someone for a date, don’t get caught up in what your entire future would look like with this person. Focus on being present, having fun, and just deciding if you want to continue getting to know this person better. With less pressure and lower stakes, you won’t get burnt out as easily.

• Learn to have better conversations on dates: Good conversations are what lead to second, third, and fourth dates—and they lead to stronger relationships, too. The absolute best thing you can do for your dating life (besides working on your confidence!!) is to improve your conversation skills. *Check out this post on how to have better conversations on early dates and this post on conversation starter ideas

I actually created an entire Digital Dating Planner to guide daters through the process of dating with intention to avoid burnout and get better results. (use code IG10 for $10 off!)

Want to be featured (anonymously) in a future send? Submit your dating/relationship related question here.

This week on the pod:

Episode 198. What To Do When You're A Few Dates In & Don't Know What They're Looking For

what we talk about:

• what you should know by dates 3 and 5

• timelines in dating and relationships

• is it a bad sign if they update their app profile after a few good dates?

• what to do when you're a few dates in and you haven't talked about what you're looking for

• should you stay with someone when you know there's potential for a relationship but they aren't there yet?