Welcome to Mostly Dating, a bi-weekly newsletter designed to help you transform your dating life and relationships. I believe that every aspect of your well-being impacts your relationships (& vice versa!)—and I’m all about living a (mostly) balanced life.

Questions to ask before moving in with your partner

Even if you already spend 90% of your time with your partner, deciding to move in together is a big deal. Sure, it will save you money and make things more convenient—but there’s more to it than that.

Before taking the plunge, consider these questions:

• Why are we taking this step now? Maybe your lease is up and the timing just makes sense, but what else is it about this phase in your relationship that makes you feel confident that it’s the right time?

• How can we make our space feel like both of ours? Whether you’re moving into someplace completely new or one person is moving into the other’s current living space, it’s important to make it feel like neutral ground. Talk about decor preferences and make sure you’ll both feel at home.

• How can we improve our communication and conflict resolution? This skills could always use some attention, but trust me when I say moving in together will come with a few bumps in the road—and you want to make sue your communication is in a good place.

• How will we prioritize alone time? Missed our recent newsletter about how to not lose yourself in a relationship? Check out this post.

• Do we have aligned expectations and visions for the future? This is a big step forward for your relationship, and it’s not one you should take without being crystal clear on what you both want long term. No, moving in is not a marriage proposal—but who wants to deal with breaking leases and dividing up things in the event that you find out your visions are not aligned?

5 books that made me better at dating

For a long time dating made me feel burnt out and frustrated. Of course, starting a podcast and interviewing hundreds of experts helped with that—but these books played a huge role in changing how I dated.

I’ve read a lot of dating books, but these 5 helped me find a relationship and be a better partner.

• 8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go, by Jay Shetty

• How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love, by Logan Ury

• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love, by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

• 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

• The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, by Esther Perel

Reader Q&A:

Okay, so my #1 rule when it comes to building the perfect dating app profile is: If your friend were to read your profile, would they know it was you? Your profile should be unique, specific, and an accurate representation of YOU!

So, to answer your question: Yes! If you are on the more serious side, use serious responses! Don’t force something that doesn’t feel authentic. I personally find profiles that are too “fun” or “funny” to be a turnoff—and they sometimes signal that you’re not taking dating seriously.

That said, you can still incorporate some lighthearted elements. After all, dating is fun! And you’re likely a lot more fun than you think.

Keep your prompt responses brief but specific. When someone is swiping on an app, they’ll (even if subconsciously) be imagining what dating you would be like—so you want to try to give them some clues. If you read through your profile and it doesn’t give any insight into your daily lifestyle or personality, it’s time to make a few tweaks.

📣 I offer dating profile makeovers! The cost is $50, and you’ll get very detailed feedback on how to change your profile prompts and photos to get better matches that lead to better dates.

Sign up here and reply back to this email with screenshots of your profile and a few details about what you’re struggling with. If you prefer Venmo, you can send to @carleigh-ferrante.

You only get one chance to make an impression on a dating app, so trust me when I say this is worth the spend. People I’ve worked with have reported more matches and better conversations within just a week of making these changes.

Want to be featured (anonymously) in a future send? Submit your dating/relationship related question here.

This week on the pod:

Episode 203. How To Get Over Imposter Syndrome In Your Relationship

what we talk about:

• why ⁠imposter syndrome⁠ happens in relationships

• how to stop worrying things are "too good to be true"

• ⁠ways to be more confident⁠

• balancing busy schedules in a relationship

• what to do if your needs aren't being met

• deciding if it's worthy trying long distance

& more!