Welcome back to Mostly Dating, a newsletter designed to help you transform your dating life and relationships.

Every Friday, we’ll dive deeper into reader questions and various dating, relationship, and self-care tips.

Want to suggest a topic or submit a question (anonymously) for a future send? Send me an email here.

6 things you should know after 6 months of dating

I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it a million more: I don’t believe in timelines! There is no one-size-fits-all approach to dating and relationships. BUT I do think the six month mark is super important.

If you’re six months in and dating intentionally, you’ve ideally already defined the relationship. If you’re six months in and you don’t know where you stand with this person, you’re in dangerous situationship territory.

Six months is typically around the time when you start to really picture your future with this person. And I don’t mean you’re looking at rings together and starting to plan the wedding—but, if you’re looking for something serious, six months together is usually enough time to know if this is someone you can see that life with.

Learning these 6 things will help you determine that:

💜 how do they react when they’re upset? When they have a tough day or something rubs them the wrong way, are they able to explain what’s bothering them? Do they want to work through it? Do they need time to sit with things before discussing? How do they like to be supported in those times?

💜 what makes them feel good? We all have stressful days—and we all have the things that recharge us or instantly make us feel better. What is that for them? How can you help make sure they get more of that?

💜 what are they passionate about? Honestly, you should know this after six dates. If you aren’t clear on your partner’s passions and goals after six months of dating, it’s time to start asking them more questions.

*I made this giant list of 200+ questions to ask your partner & I cannot believe the number of people who have reached out to tell me how much they learned by asking them

💜 what are the most significant moments in their life so far? We all have significant moments that shape our perspective and impact how we show up in our relationships. You certainly won’t know every detail of their past after just six months, but you should know about the biggest moments in their life.

💜 who are the most important people in their life? If you stay together, these people will play a big role in your life as well! And ideally you’ll be starting to integrate with these people, too.

💜 does their vision for the future align with yours? After all, if you’re hoping to be in it, you’ll want to make sure it’s one you’ll be happy with.

*I have an Instagram post with questions to ask about the future on early dates

Tips for moving in with your partner

Moving in with your partner is a big milestone! Most of us wouldn’t move in unless we really envision that this person is in our life for the long haul—but that doesn’t mean it won’t sometimes come with a few obstacles.

Even if you’re “practically living together,” there’s a lot to consider when actually taking the step to move in together.

These tips will help the process go as smoothly as possible, plus they’ll help you keep the spark alive 🧨.

🤍 make it a conscious, thoughtful decision: As former Mostly Dating guest, Logan Ury says, “decide, don’t slide.” Like all major decisions in a relationship, make sure you’re not moving in just based on circumstance or cost—although those are both valid factors to consider :).

🤍 set clear expectations on finances: Will you be splitting rent evenly? What about bills, groceries, etc.?

🤍 plan a move that you are both excited about: Make sure both of you are vocalizing your preferences on neighborhood, the space itself, commute, etc.

🤍 make the space feel like home for each of you: Even if you move into someone’s existing space, how can you make sure you both feel at home there? Maybe pick out some new furniture or decor and/or rearrange the existing setup.

🤍 continue to prioritize your own friends, routine, hobbies, and alone time: You guys know how I feel about alone time and maintaining a sense of self and independence in a relationship. When you move in together it can be so easy to just completely blend your lives together—but I strongly suggest making an effort to really keep up your lives outside of each other as well.

🤍 keep dating each other (!!!): Spend quality time together, plan date nights, and switch up your at-home routine from time to time with games or activities so you’re not just watching TV every night.

🤍 have fun & enjoy the new honeymoon stage: But don’t be alarmed or worried if you’re bickering more than usual or if there are changes to things like intimacy, etc. after settling in!

*check out my post on how to relight the spark in a LTR

🤍 maintain open lines of communication: I’m a big fan of communication reality checks in all phases of the relationship, and especially once you move in together. Have these check-ins often, and don’t be afraid to voice concerns as they come up.

Reader Q&A: Is my friendship over?

Unpopular opinion: It’s okay to outgrow friendships—especially the ones that have started to feel one-sided.

Listen, we all go through phases in our lives when we can’t be so available to every one of our friends. But if she is consistently ignoring your invites and still wants access to you on her own terms, that doesn’t sound like a solid foundation for a friendship.

I’d first ask yourself if this is a friendship that you do want to try to salvage, or if you’re okay with it fading out.

If you do want to try to revive it, I’d send a simple text: “Hey, I’ve noticed you haven’t made it to any of the recent plans I’ve invited you to. I really value our friendship but I’m not really feeling like we’re both making an equal effort. Are you around to meet up in the next few weeks? I’m feeling more like texting pals these days and I miss seeing you IRL!”

That text is vulnerable and honest, but still lighthearted and not combative. If she responds and makes a plan, that’s great. You can chat more about it IRL if you feel the need, but in my opinion it might be better to just gauge her behavior after that. If she still doesn’t make an effort, I think this friendship might be fizzling.

And if you’re not feeling like making the extra effort, I would just match her energy. If she’s not showing up, you don’t need to keep inviting her. And when she does reach out, you can just let the dynamic shift and not be so available.

👀 I have an Instagram post with signs you’ve outgrown a friendship and another with tips for handling conflict with a friend.

Want to suggest a topic or submit a question (anonymously) for a future send? Send me an email here.

This week on the pod:

Is Your Relationship Starting to Feel Boring? Here’s Why, with Nicholas Velotta

what we talk about:

• the 4 sexual personas and how to learn which one you are

• misaligned sex drives in relationships

• the problem with the 5 love languages

• the orgasm gap

• how to feel more sexy and confident

• the science behind why we tend to miss/crave the early days of a relationship

• why LTRs can start to feel boring (and how to fix it)

& more

click here to listen.