Welcome to Mostly Dating, a newsletter designed to help you transform your dating life and relationships. I believe that every aspect of your well-being impacts your relationships (& vice versa!)—and I’m all about living a (mostly) balanced life.

5 habits of couples in healthy relationships

In case you’re new here, I love digging into the research behind dating and relationships—and I recently did a deep dive on habits of couples in long-lasting, healthy relationships. What do they all have in common?

We often see grand gestures romanticized in movies and on social media—and don’t get me wrong, I love a grand gesture every now and then, but IMO consistency is what really takes you further.

Do these 5 things for a healthier, happier, longer lasting relationship:

🤍 Give each other compliments: Getting a compliment activates part of your brain that makes you feel good and perform better. Plus, giving compliments helps you appreciate things more.

*I have a post on why & how to give compliments

🤍 Show physical and emotional affection: Successful couples show consistent affection in many ways, but there’s no doubt that both physical and emotional affection are extremely important in happy, healthy relationships.

*I have a post with tips on how to show more affection

🤍 Know how and when to apologize: Healthy conflict resolution is a must. Successful couples know how to apologize, how to accept an apology & how to not hold a grudge against the other person.

*I have a post on what to say when someone apologizes but it isn’t “okay”

🤍 Have regular relationship check-ins: Whether planned or not, it’s important to consistently check in on how the relationship is going, how your partner is doing, and any big or small issue that needs to be discussed.

*I have a post on questions to ask and how to bring up a check-in

🤍 Laugh together regularly: Shared laugher is one of the biggest indicators of relationship success. It strengthens your relationship, brings you closer, & creates a deeper bond.

*I have posts on questions to ask to laugh together and increase intimacy: part one, part two, part three, part four.

How to meet someone in real life

No shade to dating apps (I met my own BF on Hinge!), but meeting IRL will always feel a little more romantic.

Plus, the more you open yourself up to meeting someone in any capacity, the better luck you’ll have on apps (and vice versa).

Before I started dating with intention, I used to get so frustrated with dating apps—but at the same time I viewed them as a necessity. I would think, “no one meets in real life anymore, so I have to do this.” And it felt like such a chore.

Sound like a familiar mindset? I truly believe this mindset kept me single. Then one day I had this lightbulb moment that I could literally meet someone anywhere, I just needed to be open to it.

I made an effort to be more chatty and open in general, whether that meant with the person ringing me up for my matcha or with the stranger behind me in line.

The more I put out these vibes of just being open to conversation and connection, the more I started being approached IRL—and weirdly enough: I started having better experiences on apps, too.

Ready to meet someone this weekend? Try these places:

• Local events or sports leagues

• Grocery stores or farmers markets

• Ask friends for setups

• Coffee shop, bar, or restaurant

• At the gym or workout classes

👀 Check out this post for more ideas.

Reader Q&A:

Here’s that consistency word again. First off: Don’t beat yourself up for being upset about broken promises. It’s one of the most frustrating things in relationships, whether romantic, friendships, or with family.

That said, resentment is one of the biggest relationship killers. It can cause you to put up walls, and eventually every little thing the person does starts to bother you because you have this resentment growing inside you.

The anecdote? Communication. As soon as you start communicating openly and honestly about what’s bothering you, those walls come down—and you won’t feel as bitter.

And if you feel afraid or hesitant of bringing up a topic you think you “should be over” by now, put that out of your brain. Because the truth is you’re not over it, and it’s damaging your relationship.

So, to answer your question: Talk to them. Use this as a chance to put everything on the table and get the communication flowing.

Explain why the broken promises bother you and verbalize what you need from them in order to feel respected loved, etc. in the future.

Want to be featured (anonymously) in a future send? Submit your dating/relationship related question here.

Catch up on the pod:

We’ve been on a little (forced) podcast hiatus due to a changeover in platforms, so now is a great time to go into the archives—especially if you know new here!

This episode was my first as a solo host, and it’s one of my most-downloaded ever.

Episode 191. What’s Holding You Back From Your Best Relationship (with @therapyjeff)

what we talk about:

• Jeff's upcoming book, Big Dating Energy (*preorder it here!!)

• what's holding you back from meeting your person

• how to be more successful on dating apps

• how to actually get approached IRL + how to let someone know you are interested

• how to communicate what you need in a relationship

• what to do if you're not happy in a situationship (+ how to get over it) *here's the post we discuss

• defining a relationship/bringing up exclusivity

• what to do when they haven't said I love you but you want them to say it first

& more!